The beauty of working in the OR and needing a c-section is that I was able to hand pick my OR staff for Livia’s birthday. The surgeon, scrub-tech, CRNA, anesthesiologist, they were all my friends. People I worked with. People I trusted with my vulnerable body, and of course trusted to safely remove my first born. I remember just about every single day of being on the other side of the blue curtain. I of course, remember the nerves. However, the environment that was created that day was one of excitement and celebration. It was personal for everyone in that room, and they made me feel that way. They shared in my nerves, excitement, and anticipation for our girl. Of course, I remember Jake. When he was escorted into the OR, my friend Greg who was the CRNA, brought Jake to my  |
| CRNA extraordinaire, Greg |
head. He told Jake….”Just don’t touch anything blue.” I remember Jake’s eyes over his mask. He was wide eyed, and focused on me. His hand on my shoulder and he whispered in my ear “We get to meet our baby girl. I love you so much.” When the meds hit my system, I was overwhelmed with nausea. Greg, being the amazing guy he is, came in quickly to my rescue and simply put an alcohol wipe under my nose and told me to breath deep. I did, and it was instant relief. Greg, I still love you so much for that moment. I thought, how simple, how caring, and how out of the way he went to make me feel better. It wasn’t long at all. A few tugs, a few familiar smells, and sounds. I knew exactly what they were doing on the other side of the curtain. I was so ready. I wanted her here. Jake was told to stand up to see her coming out. Greg had to kindly remind him not to jump into the sterile field. He was ready to pull Liv out himself. I heard the suction, I heard the cry. I heard my friend Renee say “she had so much dark hair!” Then the curtain dropped. This next moment is one that I pray I remember until my last. The very first moment I laid my eyes on my girl. She was so perfect. Her hands and feet were curled so tightly into her body. As if she were holding herself. Her lips were so full and so dark pink. Her hair was dark. Everyone celebrated her arrival in tears and smiles. I had no idea how in that room that day, not only was my daughter being born, but my heart was being born. My heart wasn’t just being delivered, it was being transformed. Like a re birth of my heart through the birth of my daughter.
As far as my heart, I’ve learned that my heart is on loan to me. That’s one big fat pill to swallow, but because of the opportunity that Jake and I have been given since that blue curtain has dropped has been a true experience of re birth. What we have taken so far is that if we are able to nurture that heart, fill it with as much love as humanly possible, share that heart with others, it will truly be ours forever. 