A new year.
Fresh start, new resolutions, goals, organization, a new 12 month slapped on the wall (do people still do that?) Happy new year, and a Kumbya circle of “Auld Lang Syne.”
I did my best to avoid all of it, until today.
I was quite content in 2014. Jake and I celebrated 10 years. The girls are at great ages. I have the best of friends I’ve ever had my entire life. Family is healthy (for the most part). But there is no STOP button that I’ve found yet. I could have planted myself in 2014 and been fine to stay right there.
A new year means another year gone. That scares me, and feels completely unfair and out of control. A new year means another birthday. 8 years old. What will it bring? I know, I know…..no one knows what the future holds. I could be dead in 5 minutes. But, our world, our every day passed is a clash between acute awareness of blessings and another day closer to Sanfilippo taking over our daughter. It’s a daily battle to get my head above the water to get a breath. But I always do. It’s a daily battle to not look too far ahead and get consumed with…..what then? But I do. It’s taken a lot of growth and a lot of soul searching to know that with God, anything….especially love can make even the hardest circumstances doable. It’s taken time. It’s taken years.
So, as I’m still not in the mood for that Kumbya circle, what I can appreciate is something I’ve learned from these years. Through each hurdle or circumstance, I must allow the time that I need through each event. This journey has opened my eyes to many many things. An important one that I realized in 2014 is rediscovering me. What I’m capable of, what’s important to me, and the most important is to stop comparing my life to anyone else’s. It’s been so freeing. Of course, I refused to make a new year’s resolution, and honestly I’m not much into resolutions. I feel like we should all strive to be our best throughout the 365, and not just on the 364th feel anew and only make it to day 10. But that’s my little ole opinion. So this being day 6, it’s definitely not a new year’s resolution, but a renewed theme that I feel is our life. It is this……To love fiercely and intently every single day. To take care of one another as if our own lives depended on it. To keep our eyes fixed on the eternal promise, pray, slow down and listen, and keep our Heavenly Father involved in all of it.
Happy New Year, my friends. My heart is still burdened with the idea of another year gone, but I’m extremely grateful and hopeful for 2015. I respect and look forward to the wisdom that comes along with “time.”
until next time……