I know it sounds silly, but I love having my nails painted. It’s very rare that I actually do. Taking the time to do my own nails is just that….taking time. I’ve tried to wait until night to give myself a manicure, but it’s always an epic fail. Waking up in the morning, hoping for that perfection, only to have that “fell asleep with wet nails” look. I love the way fresh, clean, painted nails look. My grandma Fish always, I mean ALWAYS, had nicely painted nails. I can remember, as a kid, painting her nails, seeing all her nail polish, and noticing her hands. When she was in the nursing home, she still had nice nails. At her funeral, her nails were the most beautiful color red. Her favorite. I miss her terribly. She spoiled us. Christmas was no exception. For many years, she always bought me a glass doll as a gift. Every year. This was just one thing, but I could always expect a glass doll. Such good memories. I will be painting my nails {RED} for Christmas, in memory of Gma Fish!
Christmas 1983, at Gma&Gpa Fish’s. Notice her{red}nails!
My heart has been heavy lately, as I know many Americans had emotions over the Newton, CT. school shooting. Tragic. I can’t help but get teary whenever there is news coverage. Or, the pictures of weeping parents and the deceased children and educators always tear that wound back open. I’ve been absent from my blog, and been asking myself why. I turn to this blog when something big needs mentioned, I need to vent, or maybe when I need to grieve. It’s very sad to think that a child lost their life in the way it happened at Sandy Hook elementary. I’ve really been thinking about the parents. Their grief. To lose a child so unexpectedly has got to be unimaginable. Of course, losing a child, having to bury that child, makes me think about Liv and what I spoke about earlier regarding this blog. 2012, for me, has felt like the first year since Liv’s diagnosis that I haven’t felt like I’ve been in a state of grieving. Liv has been doing really really well. A few small mobility changes, but nothing we can’t deal with. We continue to see her decline with small everyday things like; walking, eating, taking stairs, feeding herself, speech. However, these are things that we have come accustom to. It’s no longer a stress or a worry going out in public and not knowing where we are going to change her diaper. It’s no longer a stress that we have to feed her most everything. We just do. 2012 has felt comfortable. Liv’s situation is always on my mind. I can never dismiss that we will probably have a very short life with her. Some days I feel like I can’t breath, I watch her in slow motion at times, feeling that pierce in my heart and lump in my throat trying to imagine what it will be like not to have her physical being with me. To smell her, hear her laugh, feel her little fingers hold mine, but then I snap out of it and remember that I get to soak all those little moments in that maybe healthy families don’t recognize and savor all the time. Even the hard days, I wouldn’t trade one minute. That’s why my heart pours out to the parents in CT. I pray with my whole heart that they made those memories, soaked in their children while they had them. Even thinking that they may have doubted anything makes me cry as I type this. The importance of every day, and just loving each other, is a gift I’ve been giving that I need to share with you. Take it as my Christmas gift. I’m sure each and every one of you have held your children and loved ones a little tighter since this tragedy. Do it every day! Just like we all say when something bad happens, “it really took this tragedy to”……..you fill in the blank. LIV LIFE, everyday as if a tragedy happened yesterday.
I want to wish all my friends and family a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. May 2013 be full of blessings and give you an opportunity to LIV everyday to it’s fullest. From our family to yours, we love you and may God’s grace be upon you. The Hubert’s