Before my eyes

Livia Grace Hubert

Born 2/6/7
6 pounds 4 ounces
19 inches long
12:10 pm

Where has time gone? It was a short 4 years ago that this beautiful little girl entered our lives. I’ll never forget the day Liv was born. Livia was delivered C-section due to a breach position. Everything was planned, which I really appreciated, because I’m a planner. At that time I was an OR employee, so I got to choose (mostly) my room staff. My friends and colleagues were there to share in this experience with Jake and I. It was a very blustery day. Blizzard like conditions. I loved it. It was a routine c-section. IV’s, nausea, drapes, insturments clanking, familiar smells (to me), quick spinal, and things were rolling. It was calming to have my friends with me. Words of encouragement and what to expect next. My friend Greg was my CNA. He was wonderful. Once the surgery was underway, things happened so quickly. The nausea hit fast, but Greg was there with his alcohol wipe to help me “sniff” it away. Lot’s of tugging and stinky bovie smoke, but after a few minutes, I heard her. It was like music to my ears. I heard Jake say “she’s here.” Everyone was cooing over her, of course. And then the drapes dropped. There she was. My beautiful girl. The first thing I noticed was her dark hair, and how much there was! Her hands were curled together under her chin. Her lips were so red and pursed as if she was ready to give me a kiss. Her legs were crossed, indian style. She was perfect and she was mine. That moment is burned in my brain. It was almost as if time were moving at such slow speed. Like you see in the movies. I know the moment only lasted a few seconds or maybe even a minute, but when I think about it, it’s a daydream that lingers. I cling so tightly to this memory of the first time I saw her. Even thinking and writing about it now is making me cry. I held Livia for the first 18 months of her life. I was so protective of her. I didn’t really want anyone else to hold her. I wonder if in my subconscious, I knew something was wrong? Being a mom a second time, and seeing other mom’s and how they are with their babies, I really feel like that time with Livia was meant to be. Before I had Livia, and dreaming about what a mom would be like, I can remember thinking about having a 4 year old. For some reason, I thought this age would be one to look forward to. I thought, a 4 year old is transitioning out of the toddler stage, learning new words, and communicating in funny ways. Their imaginations would be filled, but they would still be little enough to really need their mommy and daddy. I have some of that with Liv, but having my 4 year old is not what I dreamed. Birthdays are biter sweet around here. I love having them, planning them, and celebrating them. Who doesn’t like a good birthday party? With Livia’s birthday’s, I almost dread them. It’s not that I don’t want the celebration, because she IS worth celebrating, I just don’t like the thought of one more year gone by. It’s hard not to be emotional around a birthday when you have Sanfilippo in your life. With that said and out of the way, on Sunday, think of Livi Loo and wish her a Happy 4th Birthday! It’s a day to celebrate this precious gift from God!
This picture to the left is from a small celebration we had last weekend. She loved her balloons!