Jake has a really good way of describing a situation or explaining his emotions by relating them to another. Yesterday was a hard day. Emotionally for me. It’s unusual for Jake and I to both have a hard day on the same day, but when he walked in the door last night with red eyes swollen from crying, I knew he was having an emotional day as well. He’s been having a really difficult time at school. No offense to any high schooler’s reading this, but MAN………….some of you are hard to handle! He’s in charge of the discipline at the HS. For those of you who know Jake, this job is hard for him since he is such a social person. Jake is such a realist and thrives on logic. (I’ve come to really NOT like the word LOGIC!) Anyway, the issues of school, having late nights, Livia, meetings, meeting deadlines, and worrying about an emotional wife brought Jake back to his Pugil stick Championship in the military. He compared this victory to how he felt life was coming at him. It was he and another guy in the final round of this game. He told himself that if he just kept swinging, eventually the other guy would have to stop. When Jake puts his mind to something, he will accomplish it. He won. He swung and swung and swung and eventually the other guy quit. He said that he feels like he keeps swinging at life, but life isn’t giving up. Like we are taking one step forward just to take 10 steps back. I get so strong and get so focused to move forward. I’ll open an email or see a photo on facebook just to get pushed down. I sooooo badly don’t want our vulnerabilities exposed, however, I’m not going to be fake or pretend like everything is hunky dory. Facing the truth that our daughter has a terminal- whatever you want to call it- is hard. Knowing that we are going to fight with every last breath of our being, is exhausting, but we are all Livia has. We are not going to put our Pugil stick’s down until we win. Keeping our faith and trust in God and knowing that His Will will be done can easily be pushed to the side when you have 2 young children that require all your attention. God is suppose to be placed #1 in our lives. Above everything. I hunger for His word, it really does bring me comfort and peace. I have amazing people in my life who share scripture with me and I can’t tell you how much it helps me, and grounds me. It’s hard, though, to make that time (for Him) during my day to bring me peace. On the hardest day’s, even though I know better, I want to hide from it all.
Matthew 5:14 “Here’s another way to put it: You’re here to be light, bringing out the God-colors in the world. God is not a secret to be kept. We’re going public with this, as public as a city on a hill. If I make you light-bearers, you don’t think I’m going to hide you under a bucket, do you? I’m putting you on a light stand. Now that I’ve put you there on a hilltop, on a light stand—shine! Keep open house; be generous with your lives. By opening up to others, you’ll prompt people to open up with God, this generous Father in heaven.”
Thank you, Stefanie, for sharing this with me. I do want to shine. I don’t want to be remembered as the mom who was always sad, never fun to be around. I want to walk through life with my head held high and proud of what we are doing. I want to be an example, a positive and OPTIMISTIC example. More than anything I want: Matthew 25:23 “His master replied, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master’s happiness!’
For today, I will be happy. I will shine in my children’s life. I will be a positive example for them and teach them about our Savior. I will do what I can. I will not stress about what I can’t accomplish. I will swing my pugil stick because I am determined NOT to give up! AMEN!