Livia has started preschool, and I couldn’t be happier with the situation. I can already see a change in her speech and just her overall happiness and willingness to go to school. I’m getting daily email updates from the teacher and have even gotten some individual updates on how Livia is doing. Yesterday’s email was that they are working on: on and off, up and down. This morning when I got Livia out of bed she pointed to her ceiling light and said “turn on, mama.” She’s been messing with all the light switches she can reach and saying, “on, off.” She’s never done this before and it’s really an amazing accomplishment for her. She’s been saying a lot lately, and these little things that I would have taken for granted are so heart warming to me. I still hunger for that “normalcy” that comes with a 3 1/2 year old. I hunger so badly just to have a conversation with her. I hunger to hear what she is thinking and to hear her tell me what she’s done at school that day. I hunger for panties…………of all things. She’s showing every interest in the potty and will tell me “mama, poo-poo on potty.” I’ll take her to the potty, sit her there and nothing. She’ll grab for the paper, wipe and flush. Ask to wash her hands and then poop in her diaper 5 minutes later. I have to learn to put my hunger aside. The reality is, this is probably the best time in her life and I must embrace that. As I wipe my tears away, mend my broken heart and swallow that lump in my throat I fill my hunger with her abundant smiles, hugs, kisses, and goofy laughs that go on all day. I’m filled to the brim with love and the knowledge that I get to be her mom. Ultimately, all I crave is that. Her happy big brown eyes tell me all I need to know. I’m satisfied with that and I’m satisfied knowing that His love endures all. My Faith and His love is a hunger that Livia has helped me find.
(2 Corinthians 1:2-5 NIV) Grace and peace to you from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ. Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows.
With this, I am satisfied.