Rock Bottom

How do you know when you’re about to hit rock bottom? When do you say enough is enough, I need help and I feel like I could snap at any moment? I should be able to do this, right? I should be able to manage a household, raise happy and respectful children, please my husband, keep “life” in order and keep my sanity all at once. Everyone else does it, so I should be able to. How do I keep this sadness and hurt from raising up through my everyday to-do’s? I have to be happy and cherish every moment that I’m given with my kids. As Jake tells me, if you dwell on the bad then all of this is going to pass me by. He’s right. I can’t dwell on MY sadness. After all, this isn’t about me. I’m struggling to find a balance. Why does it feel like EVERYTHING in my life is not going the way I signed up for it to go? I try so hard to paint my exterior happy. I’m thinking I need a new paint job. Proverbs 17:22 “A cheerful disposition is good for your health; gloom and doom leave you bone-tired.” I seem to be saying this over and over again to myself. It really is true. When I am “in a mood” I’m not the mother, wife, sister or friend I want to be. I reflect on my good days when I can push the sadness away and I am me. How do I find this balance everyday? How do I let the other stress’ (the one’s that everyone else deals with) and the stress of having a sick child not affect my living? I’m allowed to be sad, right? I don’t feel like I have time to be sad. After all, time is not on my side. I guess I have no choice but to buck up and do my best. One of my biggest fears is regret. I don’t want to ever look back on my life and regret anything…………..especially with my children. I want them to enjoy their childhood and have a mom that they will be proud of. So with that said, I’m pushing away this sadness, painting myself happy and leaving my life in HIS hands. I’ve wasted enough time on myself these past few days. It’s time to LIV LIFE!

Dear Lord,
I can see the value of life through my children. Forgive me for overlooking today and each blessing you put before me. Teach me to be patient with all of life’s stress’. Help me to find patients in every avenue of my life. Let me know that it’s ok to ask for help. Lord, I lift this all to you because I know you are carrying all of my burden’s for me. Amen