Verge of Crazy

I slept on Finley’s bedroom floor last night. She started getting a runny nose and wasn’t sleeping well. I refused to bring her to bed with me when she was only in her own for 2 hours. The only way I got her to sleep was on her belly. I know………..a big no no. So, I took the papasan cushion in her room and like a bundle of nerves I laid by her crib listening to her breath. She survived. Well, now Jake is on the couch with her letting her sleep on his chest. What a guy. I really should be sleeping.

Today was definitely a test of my patience. I hate to say this, but I kinda understand why some women (mom’s) snap. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve never once thought of hurting my children but I have thought about giving them to anyone who will take them………..but only for a few hours. I would want them back! It’s hard not being around family. I’ve had days where I’ve desperately wanted to call my mom, sister, gma, and just say I’ve had a bad day, can you please come over. I wish I had that. There’s been days when I just need a shoulder to cry on or someone to listen to me. Days when I just need a stinkin’ hug. We thought about moving home after we got Liv’s diagnosis. Right away we scrambled to think of jobs back home for Jake to apply for. I even thought I could go back to work part-time at the surgi-center and Cindy could watch the girls. We decided not to make any BIG decisions so spontaneously. There might be an opportunity for Jake to get an elementary principal position in the district he is currently in. This would be a dream come true for him…………and me. Hopefully we will know something soon!

Anyway, back to my day. I remind myself constantly that Finley won’t be so needy forever. It’s hard for me not to be able to play with Livia much during the day. Thank Heaven’s she does play so well by herself. She’s got a great imagination. Her favorite thing to do right now is play dress-up. She also likes pretending she is a puppy. Her all time favorite thing is reading and looking at books. I love that she can “read” some of her favorites. I put read in quotations because I know what she is saying and she even does some of the playful things Jake and I do while reading to her. I can be so stressed out, leave for an hour or two (while Jake has the girls of course), come home to a smiley baby that is so excited to see me and a little brown eyed girl who shouts MOM when I walk in the door like she hasn’t seen me for years. It makes all my stress go out the door. It also helps to have a husband that is concerned for me and makes sure my needs are met. I love you Jake, you are my guardian angel!

We are meeting the Boyce family tomorrow. I am so excited to have them over to our house. It will be nice to meet them in the flesh!! Stefanie and I have talked once on the phone, and email back and forth. I follow her blog as well. They have a 3yr old, Jayden and a baby named Brooklyn. Both of their children have been diagnosed with Sanfilippo. Stefanie is from Rockford, so they visit her parents often. Stefanie has an amazing Faith, and just from what I’ve read from her blog, she is a strong woman. We will be going through a tough journey in our lives, but maybe having someone to relate to and be able to understand exactly the thoughts and feelings we are having will help.

I better turn in. Big day tomorrow. Run 8miles, clean, make brownies, play, and hopefully catch a nap.

This is the day that the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it! (Psalm 118:24)